It by Stephen King, 1986, and It the TV mini series (1990)

I must thank Tim Curry. Without him, I wouldn't be alive right now to write this review. He saved my life while I was watching It. If he hadn't consented to be in this awful, no-good, very bad movie, it would have killed me.

Maybe that's an exaggeration.

But maybe it's not.

I got hooked into reading It by the first 50 pages. They were interesting. They tied back onto each other and and had enough interesting little details that I thought the book would have a fairly complicated plot. In the end, It didn't. By the time I got to page 600, I had started reading really fast. By 700, I was skimming parts that didn't seem like they'd be much more interesting to actually read and weren't important to my general understanding. By page 800, I was skipping parts. By page 1000, I was starting to read again.

But, Jesus, that 3/4 mark was grueling. I was just wishing that Stephen would stop using so many words!  The book managed to end strongly, but it is simply Too Long. Really, It could be thought of as "It 1" and "It 2" (like Thing 1 and Thing 2 but not quite so cool) all rolled into one book and spliced together. It bounces back and forth from "It 1" to "It 2" and, like a disney sequel, they are the same story (Little Mermaid and Lion King are the best example). King uses this feature a little bit, but mostly it gets tiresome hearing about how, 'oh, we're not kids anymore' No shit. 'oh, I hope it's a little different this time. So we can win' Weel, ya kinda did last time. It is a lot of flashback in a lot of book.

Yet watching the "movie" made this book look like an unrivaled masterpiece. I think the movie is the worst thing I have ever watched. Even beating out The Magic Sword. And you cannot see anything in that movie. It is no wonder that King doesn't like people making movies of his stories after this... um... I suppose "It" is an appropriate word. This Thing. It is impressively bad. Out of a core cast of 8 characters, only 2 or 3 give a performance that I would say is better than "L" or "M" acting caliber (There are some who give downright "Z" caliber acting) and even Tim Curry isn't better than "B" acting in this. But it seems fitting. Like he's making fun of his role. He isn't scary, he's funny. And that is what saves your life if you have the balls to try and watch this Wretched Movie. I have been trying for two weeks to find the right way to emphasize how bad this movie is, but I haven't managed to do it yet. It is just awful.

That it won an Emmy does nothing for the reputation of that award. Unless they were trying to award turds like the Razzie. I would have given this movie all of my Razzies. I don't expect the remake to be much better. But unfortunately for me, I am curious.

Some things that should have been done:

• Fired their director.
• They shouldn't have made Bill Denborough stutter. They could have easily changed it to some other "loser" quality.
• They should have only told one of the two stories. It 1 and left out It 2. Because It 2 is dependent on It 1 and It 1 should be a little scarier; since it's about kids.
• Actually build up a character or two. If you are going to spend 195 minutes on a film, then there should be someone to care about. King realizes, while he is writing, that you have to care about a character to get scared (consequently, his books are 1100 pages). The bullies in this movie are so etherial that there doesn't seem to be any thing to worry about.
• Show something scary or just jump two feet into comedy. There is a scene with a rock fight and everyone throws about one rock and one person gets hit and it doesn't even seem to hurt. The whole scene is about 15 seconds long and looks like a girly sleep-over pillow fight in a teen movie.
• Hired some good actors.
• Kept Steven King on the writer's roll. Even if he is long-winded. And not scary.

Somehow, I seem to be alone in my estimation of this movie. It is hard to find other reviews that support my opinion. Seems most people like this thing. So, hell, don't take my word for it. But if watching this movie kills you, it is not my fault.

Don't say I didn't warn you.