Promotional Business Ventures! Buy somethin' for allmodern, woo! (a bit of freewriting on a computer)

Modern Office Furniture. It looks something like this:

Alessi - Juicy Salif Citrus-Squeezer by Philippe Starck, 1990

And Costs something like this:

$96.00.

I can help. I'm supposed to get a promotional code that can get you $25 off. So this wonderful juicer'll be only $71. (But I can only give it to one winner... I'm not sure how to chose a winner, but I suppose I could just say that I'll email it the first email that's posted as a comment to this blog. That sounds fair enough.)

I'm sure this coupon can be more useful for something else, but for me, these prices are still a little daunting. Especially since I don't really know what that thing is. It looks like a drone in a sci-fi movie that's about to get shot by the hero. I swear I've seen it before, I just can't recall what movie. And I am not sure how the thing classifies as furniture. I would call it an 'appliance'. One that doesn't seem to use electricity, so I'm down with that. In either case, it is artistic. That cannot be denied.

I'm impressed by their marketing people: reaching out to the blogosphere. A conglomerated population of people who don't really have anything in common. Seems like you're almost a likely to find someone against you than for you. Me, for example: I don't like consumerism at all. I'm a fucking Ludite, if I'm honest with myself. I feel like I've sold my soul a little just by being part of this miniature movement. But, hell, I might as well throw something up on this blog, eh? I haven't done it in a while and while this is about the least philosophic post I have made in my life, it is not utterly devoid of any meaning. I am working on a few more interesting essays and hopefully I start actually puttin' em up soon, but it's not like I actually get any readers right now. The entire reason I am doing this is, as they accurately predicted was the minuscule chance that I would actually get a new reader. Perhaps I will get some curious person to visit by doing this, but it'll then be up to me to keep them and this isn't really a good start.

I do content myself with the knowledge that I am not exactly what was desired and because I'm as unwise as the next bloke, I find comfort in this idiotic notion. A good reason to do anything is not to be like anyone else nor is it a good reason to just be different. Motivation is an important thing, perhaps not the most so, but it isn't vacant. My motivations here aren't even clear, but I'm having fun just sorta brain-dumping gibberish no the internet at the moment.

Which gets into a real point: the ease of the internet. If cars have made people physically lazy because it is so easy to get anywhere we've lost respect for getting there then the internet has had the same effect on the intellect. My mother calls Sarah Palin intellectually lazy, which is certainly true, but it seems like nearly everyone is currently 'intellectually lazy'. Does anyone even know how to truly look something up anymore. As in, in the encyclopedia not just type a few words into the omniscient (and pathologically lying) Google? I do, but I often don't have the energy (or the resources - my house has only a set of children's encyclopedias) to do it. My intellectual laze is the reason that I am not posting shit anywhere. That takes bloody work! It's hard to compose a decent essay, no matter what it is about. This (current body of words), for sure, is not decent at anything. It is just a collection of words like a text book: they are published but no one in hell actually reads them. They are pointless and, worse, take a modicum of energy to attach them to a piece of silicone. Unlike the spoken word which is gone the moment it is said.

That was an essay I was thinking about. I have a ton of textbooks. There are several thousand copies of each of them written and floating around the world now. And they are constantly being rewritten and resold for extremely little purpose. They are filled with words and ideas that are not being considered or even (most of the time) read. Most of the time, there is absolutely no reason to update it. Like a calculus text book: calc hasn't changed since Newton and Leibniz competed on who's notation was better (and Newton's inferior method won: not an uncommon thing in today's world). Leibniz is getting more popular, but his system is just as old as Newtons and neither one change how calculus actually works. A calc book written in 1905 has just as relevant information as a calc book written in 2011, just less pictures.

Yet new ones are being written and newer ones are being published and no one who buys them actually gives a damn. This is why every college student in America has a grudge against their text books. They don't so many that the price can be anything but $100 and they go obsolete before the term is over. And unlike Computers, this obsolesce is arbitrary.

Actually, even computer obsolescence is largely arbitrary. I have a computer that is about 10 years old and it works better than my girlfriends which is 3 years old just because I have Lubuntu on it instead of Windows Vista: a bloated obscene and obese Operating System. Her computer handles much bette on the internet (mine doesn't have the processing power for the modern internet), but it is capable of doing every local on-computer task as well as hers.

Interesting, eh? Humans and their society is bizarre.

Anyway, I think I'll stop here for now. I'll just leave with a few more comments on the actual promotion which prompted this ramble:

That juicer was the most bizarre thing I could find on their website (allmodern.com). It's a CSN store. I'm not sure if that means anything to anybody. I couldn't really find anything about their morality anywhere. Telling people to give personal recommendations even if they've never been a customer before isn't very honest, but that isn't what they are really doing (though it is an evil advertising technique I've heard of). I'm not giving a recommendation: I'm giving a gift card to someone. Obviously it was a calculated promotion.

Here's some more wonderful furniture of theirs:

$360$415Lamps are always fun. $42.51
Or perhaps a desk on it's side for $800: 

Here's everything you could actually get right now just with your promo (should you win...):

Strange little lamps. Neither one has the web-sites own "go green" certification, so I cannot say I am in whole-hearted support of either of them.

TTFN

Alice in Wonderland (2010 movie)

I realize something with the viewing of Alice in Wonderland: Tim Burton is unimpressive. I think he has succeeded as a hollywood "artist" only because he has a characteristic visual flare. There are some movies of his I have liked, but he has a tendency to take a good story and commercialize it into a dime-a-dozen paperback. He did it with Planet of the Apes (which, only now, I realize I never published as a review...) and now he has done it with Alice in Wonderland. This movie is a really "Poor Attempt".

It's now just some (Spoiler alert as much as anyone could spoil it) random action story about killing a dragon with a magic sword under the gaze of an evil, big-headed Queen who usurped her throne from her younger sister. With Johnny Depp, of course.

Meh.

Due Date (2010 movie)

Due Date just flies through and is a rather "Disappointing" movie in the end. It has one I-Love-Lucy moment (an unrealistically crazy moment where one can only think: no... no you didn't... Oh... I can't watch... Oh no... You got some es'plaining to do! ...You can't possibly get away with this, you realize?) which, coupled with a sudden reversal of character just moments before, crumpled what was left of a marginal plot in the beginning.

The Other Guys (2010 movie)

The Other Guys may be just a little better than The Green Hornet, but it may be just a little worse. There are parts that are funny, it has a lot less action in it than The Green Hornet (a more reasonable level, really), but it is also less bright and simply fun.

The best part of The Other Guys is the ending credits. They are educational. They spell out in the plainest possible language who the real criminals are and how difficult it is to prosecute them.

Which make me wonder how wise The Other Guys just may be. Throughout the movie, there is this hyper-masculine manor which is promoted. Real Men don't drive Priuses, Real Men like guns and fighting, Real Men don't like the opera, Real Men get Drunk, and Real Men are tough! And the only man on the police force who is not a Real Man is a most abusive husband. The most Real Men men in the film jump to their death in the very beginning being macho. The movie seems, on review, to be like South Park in its utter lampooning of our culture. Like all satire, this movie can be taken the wrong way (and I think it will be by most people) but I have come to think that the wrightors of this film don't believe in anything that happens in it. Besides the credits.

Perhaps that's just what I want to see. In any case, the movie is quite "Interesting Entertainment" in the end...

The Green Hornet (2011 movie)

The Green Hornet is better than most action movies for the simple fact that it is a comedy. Half of it is only making fun of action movies. The 3D effects were absolutely unnecessary. Like most movies with real actors filmed in 3D, every object seems apart from the rest of the environment.

Though a lot of this movie I was amazed at the level of destruction. It had to have cost a lot to make. If you like seeing class break (in 3D), then you'll probably love this movie. I find it a pit over the top. The main character gets just a little annoying, the 'side kick' really is a much better character.

In the end, the movie is "Entertaining", but it's really only OK.

The Sinistar Pig by Tony Hillerman (2003)

I cannot find a lot of reviews on the omniscient Google that agree, but I find The Sinister Pig to be far less than just 'mediocre'. The best thing I can say about it is that is appears Hillerman wasn't very present in the story telling. Not even he is involved in the plot of this book, how could any reader be.

Apparently there are a lot of them, though. Most reviews of this book are positive. Perhaps if you have a relationship with this author you will like this book. For me, this is the first of his I have read and I really think it will be the last. It was a "Pathetic Attempt". The "Legendary Lieutenant"? Honestly?

Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut

I was reading a book called The Sinister Pig, which I didn't find too awful by the 20th page (and, actually, a lot better than I thought it would be) but then I kinda accidentally, providentially picked up Slaughterhouse 5.

The Sinister Pig was quickly forgotten.

I have been wanting to read a Kurt Vonnegut book for a little while now. There are many people who verily worship the writer. This is the first work of his I have read, but so far I have to agree. Vonnegut is one of those writers that doesn't really inspire one to become a writer themselves because it's disheartening to try and keep up with him. Like running a marathon against Haile Gebrselassie, you lose. 'lest, I guess, you are also a world class, unbelievable writer.

I'm not that good, at least not yet. To craft such a story, half truth and half entertainment might just take an experience such as surviving the bombing of Dresden.

There are many people who claim this book is hilarious, but I did not have the same reaction. There are places that are very funny, and the entire alien half of the book is funny in premise, but I didn't laugh more than thrice.

The Childerens Crusade is a very, very "Remarkable" book, but the best remarks about it is to read it. It is a woefully unique story.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006 Gamecube game)

The Legends of Zelda are games made for video gamers. They try not to be, it seems, but are so filled with inside jokes and self-references that it is inescapable. If you have played one Zelda game you have played... not all, but about half of them. Which is like fantasy in other genres. Once you start into fantasy, you find out quickly that most of them are very similar to each other. A fantasy writer is an artist with cliches so common they cease to be cliche, at least within the genre.

There are, of course, several sub-genres. American fantasy tends to be filled with gleaming castles while British fantasy has gritty, more realistically dark-age castles. Japanese fantasy, however, has flying castles. Everything is more epic in Japan.

My favorite is the British type. It is for this reason that Twilight Princess was so appealing to me. The graphical approach, at least, leaned more heavily toward British fantasy than anything inside the video gaming universe. Which can be oppressively narrow at times. There still is one true flying castle in Twilight Princess and many other points which rather detract from the experience (one of them being your primary weapon: The Master Sword, it looks like something a Power Ranger would use.) but it manages it better than anything else I have come across.

Zelda is the only game wich really attempts to be an "Epic Fantasy Video Game" story which isn't a rather dull RPG where one spends 90% of their time in tit-for-tat battles. And it is the most successful at creating this atmosphere. Even more so than Ocarina of Time, which has an even more Quintessential story line, Twilight Princess achieves this. The Zelda enthusiasts like Ocarina more, partially, I believe, because they find Twilight Princess to be less unique. The story is more unique. But it is true that this new game borrows about half its ideas straight out of ol' Ocarina of Time sometimes without even the slightest modification. If you have played Ocarina of Time, than this one may not really be worth the hours you'll spend playing it. If you've never played a Zelda game, this is a good place to start.

But beware: Zelda games can be outrageously annoying. The story is very linear and it keeps you on track by simply not allowing you, the player, to do certain things if it would interfere with the plot. Even if Link would otherwise be able to do it. Like jumping over a wall, climbing over a grate. Sometimes you will see your destination, and think of a very cleaver way to achieve it, but it isn't the one you are supposed to use, so it will not ever work. Quit trying now. There seem to be more of these you-are-not-allowed-to-do-that moments in this game than in others I have played. For people who like a lot of modern epicly sized games like Morrowind, you will find Zelda to be oppresivly one-dimensioned.

Having some little creature follow you around and tell you what to do is obnoxious as well; as is Link's amazing level of courtesy. There is one puzzle in the game which is only necessary because Link always, always, shuts the door behind him. If he left it open, it would be easy to carry cannon balls everywhere you'd need to go. He always obeys the oppressive thing that follows him and has since Ocarina.

I am impressed that Twilight Princess tries to be more cinematic, and tries to be emotional, but video games don't have enough practice it seems and the game fails. It also suffers from Disney Syndrome where nothing really bad can ever happen.

Spore (2008 Computer Game, Playing on Windows Vista Laptop)

Spore is a good idea and a fun game at times. But the execution is rather amateur. Actually, the execution is excruciatingly, unplayably amateur. I have come to expect that out of EA, but it is still disappointing.

I have a very high standard for a video game to look up to. If I ever finish playing a video game, then it is usually rated at least 9/10 by most sources. The worst part of Spore, and what renders it worthless, is the control which the player has. If it weren't for the difficulty in doing such simple things as walking forward, then I may have gotten a little farther.

Supposably, this game was retooled before it was released, making it less realistic, more cartoony, less to do with evolution and more casual; I find this a royal disappointment. I would have loved to see Spore developed by Maxis before they were swallowed by the piteousness that is EA

The Secret of Kells (2009 movie)

The Secret of Kells is a movie that not very many people know about. It was released to small fanfare in America and a very limited theater base. But if anyone has the chance to watch it, you will not be disappointed.

I hope. There isn't very much to be disappointed with in this movie. I would have liked to see more of the forest faery in the story, because I liked her a lot, but the limits put upon her make her more active in your own imagination. Unlike most movies I watch, The Secret of Kells works within the constraints of its length. It manages to move steadily, rather than quickly changing character as it was needed (like the new Alice in Wonderland...) The movie is a work of art, done completely in hand-worked animation without a computer. It is original and very "Beautiful" in more than just its graphics.

The Princess and the Frog (2009 movie)

Disney's latest for Princesses (in more traditional-looking 2D art style) is the "Best Princess Movie" they have made. It has a prince with his own character and role in the story besides a if-you-marry-him-then-your-life-wont-suck-anymore object; the princess as well has a character more dynamic than ol' belle. I find it, as a whole, to be a little better than their absolute latest princess movie, Tangled. Tangled definitely wasn't a horrible movie, but its vision of proper gender roles is more in line with it's aged brethren and its never-tangled plot disperses whenever the jokes slow down.Its life is in its humor and its running joke potential. It has good characters, but poor character relationships; a dynamic villain, who is not used. The Princess and the Frog doesn't fare much better in plot and romantic development (and even less in romantic development), but it leaves a lot less to be desired than its more expensive antecessor. There are more fun characters, and much better relationships and their villain was never so interesting that I wanted a more unique role for him.

Though, in all honesty, I'm not sure which one is funnier. Tangled was hilarious as long as it stuck to its jokes. It also has a dogish horse as their best character while The Princess and the Frog has a living shadow that would give Peter Pan's a villain on par with Hook.

Porco Rosso (1992 movie)

If I was more prone to calling anything a "favorite", I would say that Porco Rosso is my favorite Miyazaki movies. Or at least one of my favorites; it is a "Soaring" film. But as Miyazaki can easily be seen as one of the greatest imaginations in film history this would make Porco Rosso (if you accept it as the crown of his body of work) one of the greatest films of all time. But it isn't. If you can navigate your way through this paradox: though Miyazaki is one of my favorite movie makers, and Porco Rosso one of is best accomplishments, it is not, like Totoro and Spirited Away, one of the movies that makes Miyazaki so great.

Which is why I avoid "favorites".

I think what I appreciate about the movie so much is its ending. There are so few movies made today with a working ending. An ending that actually adds something to the story, that doesn't just happen to be when they ran out of tape or time. This is why I am so disheartened to hear that there is a sequel planned. I'd rather see a sequel to Ponyo which I found not more than average. I have no need to ruin a good thing with too much of it, which is what a sequel would do to Porco Rosso (a prequel is concieveable, but it could never match what makes the original good).

But we will see how Miyazaki handles it. He does tend to do things well.

Despite my gravitation to fantasy, what I like about Porco Rosso is its lack of fantasy. Porco Rosso is a good "anime" to show people who do not like anime. It has one fantastical concept, but it isn't actually all that important to the plot. It is just a humorful metaphor (and device. There are many good points about how Porco Rosso isn't really much of a 'pig') And a good one (except that bloody kiss....). Without it, the movie might be a little heavier that would be pleasant. But it doesn't actually affect the way the movie plays out, really. The historical relevance of the movie is also impressive.