I think I may be reaching the end of my endurance for the day. I've only written a page on my Historical Geology paper. I need to try and convince my professor that I know more about the geology of Gunnison Colorado than I really do. I don't think I'm going to do a good job. I have been putting it off for about a month now and am currently doing so on the micro level. I do a little, read something; do a little, look at something else; do a little, zone out.
I'm really good at procrastinating. "First things first, but not necessaily in that order" (Doctor Who).
However, I do not have a 'doctorate' in procrastination. A doctorate in procrastination, a friend of mine once explained, is to be able to put off all of your work until the last minute, spend a few concentrated hours doing it all, and still do it better than anyone else.
Perhaps that's just a savant in procrastination. Or a procrastination genius. Not all doctors are really geniuses....
So I have come up with about 15 topics to write about as I did my assignment and tacked them onto the bottom of my document. Don't worry: I'm not going to try and write about the all here. I don't think that would really make a good piece.
Really, this piece is about procrastination. So far, it's style is fitting. If only this weren't my style most of the time, it might actually mean something.
I started this because I pretty much used up all other avenues I have to procrastinate and I think I'm going to quit working in a little while. Hopefully I can get a fellow classmate to let me look at their paper before they turn it in. There are some things I don't even have a good idea for. Like the conclusion. What is the conclusion for the Geologic History of something? "So, yah, all of that happened. This and that was important. Um, yah. You know that if you read the paper.... But if you're reading this instead of teh paper, I have to wonder why you didn't read the introduction. They say the same thing but that's easier to find as it's at the beginning!
Procrastination. I'm even procrastinating on getting to my point. If I have one. Perhaps this should be about randomness or something. Absent-minded Attention Deficit Minded thinking. I'm good at that too. Perhaps they are similar. I think in a lot of ways, they are. I procrastinate a lot often because I simply don't want to think about what I am supposed to at that moment. I would rather think of something else. There certainly is something to be said for working on your own time-table and your own schedule. The biggest problem, of course, is how would you motivate yourself to finish anything if you weren't required? For many, that wouldn't be a problem, but for me... I don't finish anything in any sort of respectible time frame. Even if I am interested in it. Endings are hard and I get side-tracked by things that are easier.
I read a short piece by a fellow scholar who wondered why she didn't have the motivation to do her work even though she was interested in the subject and enjoyed to learn. I think a good part of it may be this. That we are naturally lazy most of the time. Even if we are supremely interested, it takes a lot of work to focus on one thing. It is much more fun to muse. Perhaps write something on it. Whatever. Than be forced to do this one thing!
That's the other part. I'm not alone in my contempt of being ordered. I rebell. Though I think I tend to do it a little more often than others.
If your study is driven from you, by you, for you, then you are more likely to enjoy doing it and work on it steadily. Motivating yourself to finish is another story. I'm not completely sure why it is so hard. The satisfaction from finishing something is very satisfying. As are many things that I procrastinate from.
But for me, the question begins to grow. My mind is enherently finiky. I'll want to go for a run but procrastinate by writing. To procrastinate from writing, I'll go for a run. Even though I know I will enjoy difficulty (and often pain) I will still tend to avoid it and get mad at myself.
Yet the behaviour doesn't change. There are no positives that I really know, and the behaviour doensn't change. When I do it anyway, stop procrastinating and run or write or whatever, I am rewarded by feeling good about myself (however breifly)... and yet the behaviour doesn't change. People are stupid and crazy, and I am, unfortuneatly, human.
Damn.
The best thing to do, is to fight it. Do what you know is best, what you might even like the most, even if your mind shys from it. Try and get to the bottom of why, but realize it may just be a hardwired malfuction. Once upon a time, being lazy was a little more benificial than now, perhaps. (this is an archeological/biological hypothesis) Maybe it conserved scarce energy, diets were often poorer, food scarcer, predation more common. Biologically, I suppose, it makes sence for your body to avoid what it hard. It's hard, after all. But mentially, we must remember that it's good for us anyway.
And how did my discussion get here?
Because procrastination is easy. Even if you would rather do what you are avoiding and like it.
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